Wanting to Lose Weight vs. Wanting to Be Thin

I noticed this morning, as I measured out 2 teaspoons of olive oil, that I think I have been using way more than 2 teaspoons and only counting the points for 2 teaspoons. Oops.

Then I recalculated the points for the Arnold’s Whole Wheat Bread and realized that sometimes I count it as 2 points, because that’s how many points are in one slice of Whole Foods Organic Whole Wheat Bread, but Arnolds is 3 points per slice. Oops.

And as I measured out 1/4 cup of 2% milk for my tea, I wondered if I have always counted the 1 point for milk or cream when I get tea at restaurants or at Starbucks. I don’t think so. Oops.

So I guess I am seeing, right away on day 1 of my reformatting, that I didn’t take my own advice from earlier. I didn’t count everything, though I flattered myself that I did. And who knows, in the end, how many points that added up to.

This got me to thinking; I always thought I really really wanted to lose weight. But the truth is, I do not. I just wanna to be thin already! Come on, what’s taking so long???

This is indicative of a larger problem; not being present. Not taking it One Day At A Time. Thinking ahead so much that I consider my present behavior irrelevant. “Who cares if I ate too much cake today, tomorrow I’m doing a double workout.” “Who cares if my weigh-in this week wasn’t too great, next week will be better.” “Eh, so I drank a bit too much wine, in a few days my points are restarting.”

I have not been authentic in my attempt to lose weight, probably trying so hard not to be TOO hard on myself that I wasn’t stern enough. There are certain actions that are simply necessary to lose weight, and much of the time, I behaved like those actions were optional. That just because I was doing something, it was enough.

I have wasted enough time. I am ready for the journey, the sacrifices, the investment of effort and time. I am ready to do what it takes. No more half-measures, excuses, or cutting corners. There aren’t shortcuts with a goal like this, and there is no option to suddenly be skinny and do the real work later, like a weight-loss credit card. For today, right now, I cannot BE thin. For today, right now, I can lose weight.

I am using an anchoring tool from Weight Watchers: my mom gave me this sweet cupcake necklace for Christmas last weekend, and this is going to be my anchor, to remind myself to get real, that I can do this. The cupcake is my totem, for lack of a better word, and I associate it with this blog and my triathlon career and weight loss.

I updated all of the pages on here today: my weight, as of this morning, was 245, 1.5 pounds less than yesterday morning, and that’s what I recorded. I put up my activity, and what I ate for breakfast, as well as the picture of the awesome badge I made for those participating in the tracking challenge. Check it out.

Advertisement